Unlocking Joy: Navigating the Holidays with a Loved One with Dementia

The holidays are a time filled with joy, peace, family and friends. However, for someone caring for an individual with dementia, there can be an added layer of stress. How is my loved one going to respond to the change in routine? How are they going to react to the variety of people? How are my children or nieces/nephews going to interact with my dad now that he has dementia? Is Mom going to be able to participate in the usual holiday gathering?

Before going into the holidays, be sure to adjust your expectations and the expectations of those around you. The holidays likely won’t look as they have in years past. However, that doesn’t mean that they still can’t be enjoyable. Communicate realistically with family members about the condition of your loved one. Tell them ahead of time that Mom won’t be able to make the dishes she used to and Dad may not be able to remember the stories he’s shared year after year at the dinner table.

Here are some specific tips for including and involving a loved one with dementia in the holiday festivities.

• Have a designated spot for the person to go to rest as needed

• Have a designated person (not the host) keep an eye on the individual with dementia to watch for signs of agitation or becoming overwhelmed.

  • Occasionally ask, “Do you need a break?”

  • Have that designated person invite the individual with dementia into another room for a few minutes of quiet. “Mom, I want to show you the new quilt I bought for my bed. Come with me.”

• Use names frequently in conversation.

  • Ex. “Look at how my daughter, Anna, is playing over there with her cousin Dan.” or “My Mom, Nancy, brought the pie tonight. I bet it will be delicious!”

• Use familiar items to engage the individual with dementia and promote meaningful conversation.

  • Ex. A familiar holiday book, song, or item (i.e., turkey, nativity set, etc.)

• Holiday gatherings are not the time for quizzing the individual with dementia. This often leads to frustration and agitation.

  • Avoid phrases like “Do you remember who that is?” or “Remember when?”

  • Instead, try: “Look, Dad, my son David just came in the door! It’s so good to see him!” or “Last year was so much fun when we went to the Poccono’s for Christmas, and it snowed so bad we had to stay an extra day.”

• Choose wisely when to correct the individual with dementia in a loving way or when it is best to nod along.

  • If it will upset the individual or they are already starting to become upset, let go of the wrong information and move on to a new topic.

  • Ex. “Actually, Dad, that’s Nick. Matthew couldn’t come to visit this year because he is finishing school. He is almost finished and will graduate in December. I’ll show you some pictures.” or “Yes Dad, it is nice to have so many family members here together. How about we get something to drink?

Communicate realistically with family members about the condition of your loved one.

One of the best ways to navigate the holiday season with an individual who has dementia is to be prepared. Here are some resources for you!

• Daughterhood Podcast: Navigating the Holidays with Elders

  • Roseanne and Carol Bradley Bursack discuss how to navigate the holidays with a loved one who has dementia and is at home or in a facility.

• Daughterhood Podcast: Grief and The Holidays

  • Naila Francis is a grief coach who talks with Roseanne throughout the episode regarding navigating through the holiday season while grieving a loved one. This episode gives you permission to tune in to what YOU need to move through the holiday season.

• Dementia Careblazers: Caregiving During the Holidays

  • Dr. Natali Edmonds talks about the various challenges of caregiving during the holidays and how to manage

• Dementia Careblazers: How to enjoy the holidays as a dementia caregiver

  • Dr. Edmonds shares 6 tips about how to still enjoy the holidays as a dementia caregiver

• Dementia Careblazers: Dementia and the Holidays

  • Dr. Edmonds shares tips and strategies for family members to have positive holiday memories, even if it looks different from holidays in the past.

Navigating the holiday season with a loved one who has dementia requires thoughtful planning, open communication, and a deep understanding of their unique needs. The provided tips offer practical ways to include individuals with dementia in holiday celebrations, ensuring their comfort and enjoyment.

Being prepared is key; the resources mentioned can provide valuable insights and guidance. Remember, the holidays are an opportunity to create meaningful memories, and by approaching them with patience, understanding, and a focus on the well-being of your loved one, you can make this festive season a special and cherished time for everyone involved.

Concerned about a loved one and the possibility of dementia? Check out this free guide to distinguish between normal again and dementia.